It Didn't Look Like it Should Feel Like This

Updated: May 6

AS I sit waiting for the results of the latest test to reveal the cause to the increase in vomiting, retching and rapid weight loss, I am waiting for someone to find something to explain what is happening, but mostly I am waiting for someone to put a “name” on this thing that affects every minute of everyday of our life. It is like somehow if I could only figure that part out I, would be able to get us a plan, understand how to manage everything better and something to fill the deep desire to know what is coming next.

Is this now how our story starts? I wonder how many times I have asked myself this...It was until recently did I figure out that we are in the middle of our “story”....It hurt... But why have I not recognized that this is our story...

I have supported many journeys in my career, and I could always envision a picture of possibility in the middle of very difficult end of life experiences. I guess that is my super power, to see the possibilities and help people build better stories. I could see it and at times feel it with them, but I was only feeling what I could identify with, there is a whole host of other messed up feelings, uncertainties and deep sorrow I could not see, nor could I feel.