The theme this year is "I'm not enough..." based on my own self talk and interactions with friends, family, and clients it seems to be a consistent story we all tell ourselves yet rarely do any of us question our own opinion. When I ask a simple question to myself and others "What is enough?" no one seems to have an answer or have any vision of what enough looks like on any given topic, they just know they are not it.
Cy Wakeman’s studies on the Human Ego reveal that the ego’s primary job is to keep us safe above all else. This is extremely helpful if the threat is a bear, an attacker or anything else that poses a threat. The other stories we tell ourselves are metaphorical. Like playing the game Battleship, sometimes we "hit" and our stories help us survive, and sometimes we "miss" and our story causes us more harm than good. Our Ego reacts based on certainty (what it believes) instead of accuracy (what is actually true). Only 2% of the story we tell ourselves is actually true...Whaaaaaat??? (This is the logic and reasoning part) 98% is made up by our perception that forms our reality. Do you ever feel like there is a disconnect between your mind and your soul?
One of the biggest lessons I have learned, experienced, and grown from, is running my thoughts through a sort of filter I have created in my head. It is pretty simple; I think this is where the term “reality check” was created. “What is the story I am telling myself?” “What do I know to be true?” “Is it serving me?" - meaning is it keeping me safe, comfortable and in control or is it keeping me small, stuck, and frustrated?
These questions have allowed me to dig a little deeper to figure out what part of my human experience formed the response and reaction I am having to the situation which either confirm my reality or helps me see the opportunity to reshape my reality, because the old story is no longer accurate and applicable.
There are two challenges to this process:
1. Recognizing you have been triggered and need a reality check.
2. Being willing to accept the new reality and let go of the old.
Accepting the new means, you must be vulnerable to the uncertainty of the new story, this requires bravery and courage. I find that the most awkward stories to wrap my head around are the ones that extend love and grace to myself. When did it happen that beating myself up became my comfort zone? It’s all about what you get used too, and just as we got used to the self-abuse, we can get used to self-compassion.
We all take our own unique path to “I’m not enough..." For our own unique reasons...some for survival, some for self-preservation and some, simply because that is what we have always known to be true. If we truly determine we are not enough, then should we set goals of self-development instead of self-prosecution?
“Expectations are resentments waiting to happen...” ~Brené Brown.
Let’s make sure that our expectations of self and others are realistic given today’s reality. Let's be willing to give ourselves and others the grace and compassion first, instead of judgement and punishment.
Judgement DEMANDS punishment... whether you are judging yourself or others...
To my fellow Care Partners:
You can NOT put someone else’s life on top of yours and keep your expectations of yourself the same. It is unrealistic and unfair to punish yourself. Caregiving is about capacity, and you only have space to do so much both physically and most importantly mentally at any given time during any given day.
If you want some help sorting it all out, I can help you "Pause for Your Cause" through Coaching Mentoring and Peer Support. You can find more info at https://www.embracingjourneys.com/pause-for-the-cause.
For more information on what's going on here at Embrace, go to: https://www.embracingjourneys.com/upcomingevents and Thanks for Reading!!!