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Building Capacity

Updated: May 6, 2021

How to unload and repack to create space...

Making space in your head is just as necessary as making space in your closet... I have spent a lot of time kicking my own booty for the things I felt were not getting done and for being irresponsible to the things that at one point was top priority and I would have never let slid before being a care partner. The taxes for instance are pretty important and necessary obviously, but the story I kept telling myself was that it was to much right now, I just can’t do it which then turned into a significant cycle of self abuse which did not help me get the taxes done sooner, it made them feel heavier and heavier and before I knew it, I was 2 years in.  

This is a vicious cycle, because the more stories we tell ourselves about what we are doing or not doing limits our capacity to get it done or even entertain the notion of doing it.  The reality of this situation is one we often don’t see or recognize as a viable explanation...I am full...There is no more space to think, to process, to calculate, to cope or to face another reality.  It is our perception of these things, and the story we tell ourselves about them, that allow them to continue to sit on our plates day after day, month after month, year after year.

The ironic twist to all of this... these heavy things are the primary reason why we don’t have the ability to see clearly, have confidence in our decisions or the ability to extend grace to ourselves or to the people we are support.  Our stories create anxiety and fear and when that happens our ego’s feed off the fear and locks in the certainty we have conjured up in our head about the situation, instead of the accuracy of the situation. (Please read that again)

Feeding the “White Wolf” takes conscious effort because we have been feeding the “black wolf” for a very long time. (read blog White Wolf vs. Black Wolf) The black wolf is fed by our ego’ is giving us the “who do you think you are...” “your not ___enough” “your just lazy..” “your not doing enough..” We have gotten used to this kind of talk so it is going to feel uncomfortable and awkward, it may even be so loud that you feel like giving in...DON’T DO IT!...It’s what your ego wants and how it thinks it is keeping you safe, but it is hurting you and taking up space.  

The white wolf is friendly, loving and compassionate, your white wolf is able to see the accuracy of the situation...  When we start talking to ourselves the way we would talk to our best friends we start building capacity...It is one less person and thing that is kicking your booty... It may sound something like this...”I am creative resourceful and whole, what is getting in my way of moving forward?  What do I know to be true about the story I am telling myself? What is scaring me about this situation? What are realistic expectations of myself and this situation? What is the worse case scenario if I do nothing?”

What if we started here with intention and grace... do you think you would free up some space and build some capacity?

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